January 6, 2016



You took something from me I can never get back. You made me believe that my life was not my own. You left me paralyzed in fear. I struggled to get back up—wondering if I was enough; wishing I could know why you chose me.

It seems you had a plan; I was your victim. You chose a side, and it wasn’t mine. You didn’t wait around to help me get back on my feet; you didn’t ask if I was ok. You just made your mess, and then left me to figure out the rest, to pick up the pieces alone. 

You knew that moment would try to define me. You knew that fear would swarm the memories of the past—but even worse, you knew that it would try to hold me back in the future, unable to breath.

I was broken; my tears were immeasurable. At times I felt alone, and despair was my constant companion. I searched for something to hold onto for hope, but you had taken all of that from me. You laughed at me, as you walked away. That was the hardest sting, when I watched you not care.

You probably thought I would stay down forever—that birds with a broken wing would never fly again. You probably hoped I would give up. You probably didn’t even look back to make sure I was still down.

Turns out, even broken wings can mend. It turns out, I was a lot stronger than you thought. I bet you didn’t know I was a fighter when you chose me as your victim. I bet you didn’t realize that strength can grow from a tiny sprout of faith in God. I bet you didn’t expect to ever hear from me again—that my life would now be yours. I bet you always thought I would forever be your puppet.

Well. Today I stand—to not only tell you but—to show you that you were wrong about me. You thought you chose a victim, but it turns out . . . I am a survivor. Your puppet has cut the strings. I will no longer live in the shadow of your fear. I will no longer hate in the chains of your anger. I will be free. I will build from this ground that you threw me upon, and I will become stronger.

So maybe you saw my weaknesses as you tried to make me fall; but guess what, I saw yours too. Your weakness was thinking that you would ever bring me down without a fight. I am a warrior of my own life and of your evil plan. I am a champion who sees through the fog and clings to the light. I found hope when you told me there was none, and I will live every day unbroken. You did not break me when you dropped me on my face—you taught me how to stand.


(A Reason to Stand in Ogden last October. These woman are all fighters, overcoming trauma from the past, learning to not fear the future, and living in the moments that matter the most . . . today.)

This week I have worked with a few woman who have been stuck in the chaos of their own traumas. So I thought of this letter I wrote a while back. 

That dark fog that hangs over us after a traumatic event can have lasting effects. These moments can be any failure, big or small. Getting lost at the grocery story when you were five years old, to watching your loved one pass away. Truama is real, it is haunting, and it heavy. There are moments in each of our lives that have filled us with lies about our abilities, our worthiness, our worth, and our purpose. 

We don't have to let this trauma define us. We do not have to let it run us into the ground over and over again. Go back to those moments in your mind and read your own letter to the trauma that formed. Set it free, and you will find freedom from the fears it has created inside of you. We do not have to be prisoners in our own lives. We can live life unfrozen. Life can be meaningful and happy, even after pain. 

You are the master of your destiny. Live it like it was on purpose.

For more on healing trauma please go to trauma healing and find out more. 


Stace said...

I have been following your blog for sometime.... you are such a beautiful person on the inside as well as the outside. every post i read you amaze me. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your life with us and telling it like it is. you inspire me and many times i have read a post that has been exactly what i needed to read that day. Thank you!

Jena said...

Yes yes yes. I'm every way yes.

Amanda Young said...

I read your story on LoveWhatMatters. I was inspired to check out your blog. How wonderful that you have shown your children how to heal from trauma.

Post a Comment

Blog Design By: Sherbet Blossom Designs