Our greatest purpose

Baby girl is here! Kennady Isla Boyson. Born May 24th, at 10:34 pm. I promised a few ladies I would write up her birth story. So stay tuned! She is amazing and perfect!!!! In this post I wanted to share some thoughts about motherhood, but here a few pics of little baby girl before I do. 

This week we have been working on our super powers. So far our biggest accomplishments have been nursing, sleeping, changing diapers—for both of us equally😜—late night parties, and there was even a moment a few days back I washed my hair. One thing I wish someone prepared me for—before I was a mom—was that some of these accomplishments in the weeks after you have a new baby are pretty hard and painful. Before birth they prepare us for the pain of childbirth...but I didn’t hear a lot about what comes next. All I remember thinking is that I might be one of those moms who slides back into her skinny jeans before she leaves the hospital, LOVES everything about nursing, or runs a marathon a month later. Let me tell you...reality—at least for me—is very different. I gain 60 pounds every pregnancy. I leave the hospital in sweats (and swollen legs), and rock them for weeks. Sometimes I am too sore to walk around; I tear up when she is hungry because my chest is so full of milk it hurts just to think about nursing. Some nights I am so exhausted I seriously wonder if I can do it all again the next day. And I know I am not the only one. So why do we do it? Moms. Why do we sign up to push a human out of a small hole; why do we sign up to wake up one morning to boobs that have quadrupled in size (think Dolly over night)? Why do we sacrifice sleep and time to do anything for ourselves without having to plan out time to go pee? When we have feeds of perfect bodies to compare ourselves too, and stories of people living “perfect” party lives...why do we sacrifice a “perfect” carefree story for one full of pain, cracked nipples, stitches, cellulite, little sleep, and an extra 60 pounds? I want to tell you why...because it is amazing. Because there is no greater calling we could be called to do. There is no purpose or award we could obtain that would even come close to the joy these little people bring our souls. We do it because for every picture of a perfect body our social media feeds feature...we have one of a tiny little face that in a matter of seconds changes our lives forever. I don’t have any amazing transformation pics...and I don’t care to anytime soon. I will not be ready for swim suit season this year, but I love my body for everything it has given me. I choose this. Being a mom is hands down the greatest accomplishment I have ever dreamed of living. This job isn’t for the weak...it is a sacrifice on every level—of body, mind, and spirit. And it is worth every minute. 

Being a mom is a super power! Shoutout to all of you who do it with so much strength. You are my heroes!  

Show up for real

What does it mean to be real? We live in a world full of noise—everywhere we turn there is a new model of what yesterdays “cool” was. Every minute something new is created and marketed to us as if it was as important as the air we breathe. We are left wondering if we will ever be able to afford to fit in—if we will ever really catch up.

Many days we walk around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to figure out which way is up—seeking to know what we should want to buy, and who we should strive to be—a consumer society that has trained us to never feel enough. Our kids tell us they are “the only person they know who has to live without it”, and our screens tell us that we must obtain to find happiness.

Pictures are altered to perfection. Lives are portrayed as flawless. Social media is our addiction, but with every swipe we wonder why we just can’t measure up. We know it isn’t real, but still set our sights to one day achieve it—a picture perfect, calm, steady, always thriving, always successful, always beautiful life.

So what is your real? Are you living life—or waiting to catch up before it begins? What are you waiting for? When will you know you made it there? If the world is always changing—cars are getting faster, phones are getting more high tech, and clothes are getting just a little more stylish every day—is there ever going to be a time when you don’t feel like you need more to be happy?

Are there voices around you that maybe you have the power to turn off? Can you put down your phone and play when your kids need you, or have you grown too scared that you will miss something when you do? Do you feel disconnected from everyone and everything around you because you spend your whole day trying to connect with the people and products in your screen? Do your kids look you in the eye when you talk to them, or do they always just look down into the device in their hand? Do you ever talk to your roommates, or do you always just scroll through your friends? Do you have time to show up . . . even for yourself?

Then lets take a stand. Nobody owns us. We are powerful, but we keep forgetting that we are in charge. If our children are so attached to a device, but don’t know how to respect us . . . it is our job to teach them that people are what matter. If we aren’t showing up for the people in our life, we are failing the most important part of our mission here on earth—to learn to love, to learn how to clean, and work, and have fun together. To create lasting and healthy relationships, filled with respect and honesty and light. To one-day leave the ones we love with memories, not just stuff.

Relationships—real people—are the only thing that can bring true joy. No amount of money or possessions will ever take their place.

So today—along with my family—we challenge you to show up . . . because that is what we are working on doing for each other. And it matters. If it weren’t so important, there wouldn’t be so many things trying to stop us all from remembering . . . each other.

Even in a noisy world, we have the power to take a stand and be the kind of person we want our sons and daughters to become—for we are teaching more by our examples than by the words that we say.

Show up. Life is too short. You don’t need a million likes to be someone they are proud of . . . one day all you will have left is the memories you made.




Come see me in person at A Reason to Stand: FEARless next Saturday in Las Vegas!!! April 28th! 

The right kind of love

Earlier this year I was on a long plane ride and met a new friend. We talked for hours about: life, love, children, triumphs, and failures. She shared with me a story about one of her children—the one she had always thought was her “favorite” child. She began, “The hardest part I don’t understand . . . is she was the one child I gave everything to. She never went without; I never once told her no. If she dreamed it—I would make it happen. I put her above everyone . . . including my spouse. And now there is nothing to show for it. She is the most miserable person I know. She is never content . . . and no matter how hard I try, she is never happy. All my other kids respect and love me, but the one I thought I loved the most—she is unkind to me, and everyone around her. It doesn’t make since. I gave her everything . . . all of my love, my time . . . my whole world . . . and she despises me.”

I have heard this scenario a thousand times. And yesterday—as I battled with one of my own entitled children—I realized that in some ways I have done it too: asked a child permission to parent them, made excuses, or forgot to be consistent and follow through. I get stuck somewhere between the boarders of parenting and wanting to be their friend.

But the truth is: our kids don’t need friends . . . they need parents.

What they need from us is love, but not in the way we sometimes think. We believe they want us to let them do whatever they want. We think they want stuff. We assume they want us to always have something “over the top” fun planned for them to do. So we ask our children for permission to parent; we buy them things they don’t need. We get scared they won’t want us around, so we over stimulate them with fun—never slowing down and enjoying the little moments that make up the real parts of their life. We allow them to do things we don’t feel good about, and buy them electronics and movies they aren’t emotionally ready for . . . but not because it is a good idea—because we are scared. Scared they won’t be popular with everyone else, scared they will feel left out; scared they won’t think we are cool . . . but mainly—we are scared we are not enough. We become their friends to avoid the hard parts of parenting . . . the most important part of our role. We avoid being the person in their life who needs to teach them what the real world will one day slap in their face. But we don’t want them to blame us for their pain . . . so instead we cover it up with friendly fluff and more and more stuff.

So really . . . we suck at parenting—to protect ourselves.

Each parent has the responsibility to teach and guide our children in love and patience. Sometimes the patience is for the child . . . sometimes it is for us—patience to watch them suffer consequences of their actions; patience to see them chose the wrong road and find the way back on their own. It is hard to watch them solve a problem we think we already know the answer to, but we cannot bail them out of the very things that will teach them their strength.

Entitling, making excuses, and looking past our children’s mistakes and shortcomings—though the world would tell us this is love—these are the reasons we are failing to love our children in the right way. The most balanced kind of parent loves unconditionally (love not based on perfect performance), gives boundaries (for safety and teaching what is appropriate in all aspects of personal and social life), and uses consistency to help implement these things in daily life circumstances.

I had a friend in high school whose parents never gave her any limits. She would come and go as she pleased. She always had an unlimited amount of money and a wallet full of credit cards. I will never forget one night when she was at my house late. My mom was sticking with curfew and shipping everyone home. My friend turned to me and said, “I wish I had parents who cared where I was. ”

I had always thought she was so lucky. She could do literally whatever she wanted, but at that moment I saw my mom’s love a little differently than I had before. She gave me limits and boundaries . . . because she loved me? I had never seen it so clear.  Now all these years later I realize I was the lucky one. My mom cared; she loved me in the right ways. She gave me curfews and budgets . . . and sometimes she told me no.

It matters. Our kids don’t want parents who treat them like they rule the world—they want to know they have a place in it. They want to know where they are safe. Boundaries and rules show them. Realistic expectations—appropriate for each age group—help them find stability and confidence in themselves and in the world around them.

If we were to throw our kids into a lake full of alligators, and had never taught them how to swim or protect themselves—they would fail. Life is no different. It takes teaching and guiding before they have any clue on where they should be. And that is our job. And it doesn’t end once they can walk . . . it is then that it has just begun. 

What if Heavenly Father would have panicked about what a bad parent he looked like to have His only Begotten Son in pain, and He would have said, “Ok . . . wait. Take it all away. He isn’t strong enough to do this. I cannot watch Him any more . . . because His pain is a reminder of how I cannot protect Him. I need Him to be ok . . . so I can be ok.”

He didn’t . . . because He knew that pain, that sacrifice, was going to change everything. He saw the bigger picture of what Christ was going to be able to become . . . because of that pain. He saw a Son making sacrifices—willing to suffer—for others. He saw a Son who was fulfilling the mission He was sent here to live. He saw further than the moment.

And that is what we all must do, because it is in consequences and struggles, and learning to accept personal accountability, and sacrificing for others that our children will find their purpose—their strength, and gifts, and truth. For those are the things that money cannot buy. Those are the things we cannot give to those babies that we love. They have to find them with God. 

So maybe being the cool parent has been your objective—I am guilty here too—maybe you have justified entitled or disrespectful behavior because “they have been through so much”. Yup. We have all been there. But by “protecting” our children and asking them for permission to parent—we are hurting them. If they were ready to make grown up decisions . . . then they would be . . . grown up.

Our children need parents. So let's grow up. Let's prepare them for this world by giving them a chance and teaching them how to live in it. Let's love them enough to sacrifice some of our “free time” we get when they are just running free. They need us to be engaged, and encouraging, and present. They need us to hold them accountable, and teach them right from wrong.

We have to put away our phones—and turn off the video games and movies—and see each other. If we spend more time on Facebook or at the gym, than we do with our kids . . . we need to reevaluate our priorities. If we spend more time worried about what to wear or how to get the best looking picture of our kids making cookies—we probably aren’t making them for the right reason.

Our kids need memories of their imperfect lives—not snap shots of a fake perfect virtual reality.

So to all who have made the decision—or maybe the decision was made for you—either way to those who call themselves parents. Let us step up. We don’t need their permission to parent them. We just need the right kind of love. The love that sees the big picture—the lasting kind of love—the love that gives hope, holds accountable, brings light, and sometimes says no. Parenthood.

It says, “I see you are not perfect—I know I am far from it—but I believe in us. I love you no matter what you do or where you go—because I was created to love you. When you make mistakes I will be here to help you—but I cannot take it all away. You are your own person, but what you do will effect others.  Here are the things my life has taught me—you will learn some of the same lessons, but others will be unique to you. I will expect you to respect me. I will expect you to be kind to other people. You will follow the rules: at home, at school, in society—because you are a person of virtue. You are not the exception, but you are exceptional. You are not always going to be the victim of something else . . . sometimes it is going to be your fault. You can make it right, but first you have acknowledged your role. And as your parent . . . I can help you find it. Sometimes I will make mistakes; I hope you will forgive me. It isn’t perfect, but life can be beautiful. When you follow the rules, and live within the safety of the boundaries we set . . . you will find confidence and love for yourself that can’t come in any other way. I was so blessed the day you came into my life and I am so grateful you are mine. Sometimes I will be your friend . . . but when I really want to show you I love you—I will be doing my job with the right kind of love—I will be your parent. It isn’t always easy telling you no, it isn’t always easy watching you chose a choice I wouldn’t chose myself. I struggle when you do . . . but I believe in you. I see how smart you are, and I know you are going to grow up to be an even better parent than I am, because you are a powerful child of God. He will be with you every moment of your life. And He will be able to give you perfect direction on every road you will need to take. So my job as your parent isn’t to teach you to rely on me. My job isn’t to bail you out and cover for you when you make a mistake. My job is to teach you how to become accountable . . . to Him. I am just a tool to help you learn how to find your relationship with your Savior. I believe in Him . . . and I believe in you.”

Someday we will be the one sitting on an airplane evaluating all that we have done in our life. We will look back with regret—that is enviable—but when it comes to our children hopefully we don’t look back with regret of loving them in the wrong way—protecting them from learning how to stand on their own.

If only we knew how our days were numbered—I bet we would all live them a little differently. So for today, we better just live it like it is our last. Love with all our hearts, and cherish the ones we call family.

Parenthood. You got this.

Success: our final destination

Success. What does it look like? To some it is finally buying a dream car; to others it is landing the perfect job. For every person in the world, reaching success looks differently. Our beliefs on what success could—or should—be stem from a few different sources.

1. Your upbringing. How your parent’s succeeded, or failed to succeed. How they spoke about others who were “successful” in their eyes. How they received you when you did something well, how love was given or with held when you failed. All of these factors play a role in what you view success to be, and what you strive for.

2. Your self-image. The view you have of yourself can play into when and how you will view yourself as successful. Those who have confidence and find worth at a low paying, hard to do job, will most likely still see themselves as valuable at a higher end job. Those who don’t see themselves as successful at the things they are doing, and are always striving to find success at a later date, will most likely never feel successful even when they have reached their goals. Cars, houses, jobs, relationships will never feel satisfying and the next best thing will evenaully come around to replace what originally was viewed as success.  It is all about perception. That’s not to say we can’t have goals and ambitions, but if we can’t find joy in life now . . . it will be harder to find then.

3. Your relationships. What energy do you put into relationships with those around you? What importance do you put on their well-being? How selfish are you? Do you love to get love back, or do you love to see another being be loved? The view you have on relationships and their importance in your life, can play a role on your view of what success should or could be.

4. Your personality. For a more laid back personality, success could be viewed differently than a person who is a little more tightly wound. A perfectionist verses a person less concerned with details. All of these biologically engrained and learned personality traits can play in to the way we ideal what success should be.

5. Your environment. Who do you surround yourself with? What do your friends view success to be? What environments do you feel comfortable in? How do you feel around people you view as “successful”? Do you feel more successful when around someone you feel better than in some way? Do you have encouragement from your surroundings, or do they bring you down? How do you perceive others view of you? Do you compliment others who have found success? Do you struggle with jealousy or hatred? Do you hold on to the past or fear the future? Do you live within your means? Do you hold onto “stuff” or do you keep your space clean and fresh? All of these can play a role in the energy that is around you while setting goals and viewing future success.

6. Your thoughts. Do you think negatively about yourself and others? Do you let your thoughts spiral out of your control when fear kicks in? Can you determine a truth from a lie in your own mind? Do you ask others for approval, or do you have confidence in decisions? Do you like yourself? Do you believe in yourself? Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself? Do you trust God? Your thoughts and beliefs can help to shape, or misshape your view of success.

So what is success? If it isn’t a destination that can be defined by anyone—for everyone—why do we keep spending our years feeling like we have failed at getting there?

Why do so many people keep wishing for the next big thing to bring them happiness and validate a fear or belief that they are not successful without it?—because it is a lie. “Success” is the fish you will never catch. Its goal is to keep you so busy striving for it, that you miss the things that make you successful right now.

We all succeed in our own way. While one woman is out conquering the world in her career, another is a mother changing diapers at home. While one man is making millions in a high-rise penthouse, another is pinching pennies to feed his children in a trailer. Both have found success—just in a different way. But to say one is more successful for all the numbers they have gained, is forgetting that those numbers cannot last forever.

I know a few people who I would say are my hero’s of success—and there is no dollar amount to why. My grandma would feed—what felt like a hundred of—us every holiday, never complaining about the cost or the time—but always giving unconditional love. My mom had five kids of her own and took on seven more with a second marriage. Through all of her ups and downs in life, I never once heard her complain or lose faith in God. To me, they have made it . . . to “success”. They have learned how to love.

And we all have an example who showed what true success looks like. He came to earth—as we all did—with a very unique mission and purpose. His story is one of a poor man who spent his days serving others. He served because He loved. He died, because He cared. He could see what we can’t—but lived as we can.

So success. What is it? It would seem—as we all get cloudy on our definition of when one will reach the success they have worked their life for—we might have all had it all wrong. Success is finding your connection to God, and the reason He sent you here to earth. Success is leaving a great legacy for your family, by the way you show them how to love. Success is being you and finding joy along the way. 

If I have said it once, I will say it again a thousand times. We have to put our family first. The dark clouds are just going to keep getting darker. Keep fighting. The light is going to get dim—at times—don’t let it burn out.

Success—true success—at the end of this thing we call life will not be measured in numbers and dollar signs, it will not be obtained by a dream house or a dream car. It will be achieved by living a dream life. Make memories. Laugh. Find joy—in the stuff that is real . . . the relationships you will take with you.

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.” Jim Carrey

Instagram Story

Since last night I got on here to post all of this stuff . . . but ended up sharing my heart instead, here it is.

The past few weeks I have posted a few videos on Instagram story. Many of you have asked me to share the details of these ideas. 

#1 Mommy Store

I can't say I created this idea, because I have heard of a few versions of it, and my face on the dollar was an idea Shawn and I got from Bostyn and Bailey's six grade math teacher. But I can't tell you how much this little Mommy Store has changed our world. 

Here is what you need to know. Mommy bucks (similar to Schrute bucks for all my fellow Office lovers) are some powerful things in this house. I use them for motivation, discipline, rewarding the extra mile efforts, and allowance. I have kids asking for jobs to earn more. 

Next thing you need to know . . . don't be afraid to by soda and foods you wouldn't normally buy your kids. I charge $20.00 for a tiny can of soda, because it is not an item I want them to have, but since it is so rare in our house it is a HUGE motivator for a few of my kids (mainly Teage). So all week as he is motivated to get that pop he is remembering not to sass me, hurt Kaleeya, or leave his basketball gear all over the house. 

Everything has a set fee, but discipline items are usually around 1-5 dollars depending on the crime. For example last night I charged a dollar for every item I have to pick up around the main living areas of the house. I charged five dollars for disrespect of a few children, who will remain nameless . . . 

But I honestly now that they are getting the hang of it, I get to spend the most time rewarding good. Which for a mom is huge. We don't want to spend our lives telling our kids all the things that they don't do. That sucks, and it is lame. 

So what good do you see? You throw it ten mommy bucks and you better believe that the next day almost everyone in the house is doing it without even being asked. For example: Yesterday Teage was the only one who brought his dish to the table after breakfast. Gave him $5. Jordyn was the only one who had turned off her light upstairs in her room. $5. Today those things are being done, because everyone noticed that I saw their efforts and appreciated it. 

This simple way of doing it will make a huge difference, especially if you stock the store with things they desire and want to work hard for. They only get to shop on Saturdays, so all week they are gaining or loosing their money to spend on the prize day. 

Want to take it to the next level? 

That is where job charts, and laundry days, and check lists can come in. They can earn dollars for the every day stuff you are begging them to do anyway! And bonus . . . they will start to want to remember to make their bed and get dressed before they come down to eat breakfast. 

This system is the ultimate win for everyone. Moms can spend less time screaming about all the things they want done, and kids will feel like their efforts are being received and appreciated. And between the dollar store and big packs of little things at other stores, you aren't really out much real money. 

 Labeling the prices on every thing helps them see what their working for and how much they need to cash in on all their favorites.

 I have their envelopes inside the mommy store cupboard so nobody loses their money, and it isn't laying around the house. But also because every time they have to go get me a dollar or earn a dollar they open up to see what they could be gaining or missing out on.

I hope this helps!! Let me know if you have any more questions.

#2 Storing Nuts for Winter

Here is the video from Intagram Story that everyone was asking me for the recipes. I will post them below. 

I have been doing one cooking day a week for all our meals and I LOVE it!! Watch the video to get all the details!! 

These are some of our favorite tried and true recipes, most of which I got from my mother who I keep begging to write a cook book. I usually cook gluten free and sugar free so my Tytus boy can eat with us, but a few of these recipes are ones that I will not be able to feed to him . . . I will note when it is not a Tytus approved recipe. 

Manicotti: (not gluten free)

Manicotti Noodles

15 ounce container of cottage cheese

1/4 cup dried parmesan cheese

2 cups mozzarella cheese

2 TB parsley flakes

1 tsp salt and pepper

Jar of Red sauce 

Combine all ingredients but noodles and red sauce. Stuff cooked noodles (unless you bought the kind that you don't have to precook) with the white sauce mix. Pour red sauce over shells. Bake 350 degrees for 45 minutes covered. Uncover and cook for another 15 minutes. 

Salmon:

Cover in coconut oil and cook until golden brown (we like it crispy on the edges) at 425 degrees ( for Tytus's side I usually just do this)

But for everyone else I ad any mix of the following:

A few dashes of Mrs. Dash's southwestern chipolte 

a few sprinkles of maple syrup

a squirt of lemon

Sweet baby rays BBQ sauce

Thai Kitchen sweet red chili sauce (I might be in love with this stuff)

Serve over rice (we love the white jasmine rice and I cook it in a rice cooker)

Pad Thai: 

1 package flat rice stick noodles

3 ounces shrimp or chicken (or both) I used leftover Thanksgiving turkey this time

1/2 cup fresh lime juice

1/2 cup Asian fish sauce 

2 TB sugar (I use stevia)

2 garlic gloves pressed

2 TB oil

1/4 tsp crushed red pepper

2 large eggs

Can of bean sprouts (Asian food section)

1/2 cup chopped peanuts

5 green onions

1 cup of chopped cilantro leaves

And I always add in a few other chopped vegetables:

sometimes broccoli, cauliflower, pea pods whole, water chestnuts, carrots

Whatever vegis you like! Great way to sneak in some extra. 

Instead of giving you the recipe I am going to give you a step by step on how to make this easy, because it really is an easy recipe just feels overwhelming when you try to do it all at once and your meat is burning in the process. 

In a large bowl with a lid soak the noodles in super hot water. I usually change out the water a few times over the course of preparing the other things to make sure those noodles soften.

Then I get out a bunch of little bowls. 

In one:

 whip the eggs with a fork. 

In another: 

combine the lime juice, sugar and fish sauce

In another bowl I chop up all the vegis and cilantro

In another bowl I put all the chopped peanuts. 

After all the ingredients are their bowls, in your Wok, heat the oil and add the red pepper flakes and garlic. Then cook the meat if it needs cooked, or heat it up if it is precooked.

Once the meat is cooked or heated through, pour in your eggs and stir and let them cook for two minutes. Drain the noodles while the egg is setting. 

Add the noodles into the wok and lime juice mixture and cook for another minute or two

 Add vegis and cook another minute or two. Sprinkle on the peanuts and enjoy. 

We like to use that Thai Kitchen sweet red chili on the top! 

Great to use as filler for lettuce wraps as well, then dipped in the sweet chili sauce.

Next time I will take a picture of my first helping so it can be a better glammer shot! haha

Pepperoni Pasta Salad:

Package of favorite pasta cooked and cooled in cold water (we use gluten free shell or spirals)

Favorite vegis chopped up

Sharp cheese graded or cubed

Pepperonis sliced in half

Cover with Ken's Stake house Northern Italian dressing (not sugar free, I take Tytus' portion out before adding the dressing)

Refried Beans:

5 cups pinto beans (I switch it up sometimes and use black or mixed beans)

Sort rinse and soak in water over night (or if you forget cook in the morning for a few hours and drain)

Drain in the morning and add: 

1 chopped onion

4-6 cloves of garlic

2 TBs salt

2 TBs chicken boullion (better than bouillon is my favorite)

Water (fill to the top of crock pot)

Cook for 6-7 hours then blend. You might not use all the sauce. I fill the beans in the blender than add sauce to cover the beans. They will appear thin when you first blend them, don't panic. They thicken up as they sit. 

We use these as dip for nachos, on top of tostadas, in burritos, in 7 layer bean dip, in tacos or just eat them by the spoonful . . . they are that good. Thank you Rachel for this one!! 

 So as part of my goals to be a better mom I am working on following through, so my kids know what to expect . . . but also trying to ad a little fun to our day every day. Here was last nights Instagram Story . . . 

#3 Snow Dance

A fun tradition to get kids excited about the changing weather! Here is a step by step video . . . 

Here a few links to those favorites in case you haven't tried them . . .

There are lots of other brands of the fish sauce and noodles that work great. But the red chili sauce hasn't been the same unless it is this brand. And this salad dressing is what makes the salad as well.