5 steps to a happier today

Have you ever found yourself waiting—wating for life to really start—waiting to lose weight to be happy? Waiting for a better job to help you feel fulfilled? Waiting for your soul mate to come and make you feel loved? Waiting to like yourself, waiting to give your whole heart to another?

If you have . . . you are like a large percentage of the world. I have to slow myself down daily to remember that happiness isn’t a destination—it is a state of mind.

Here are five ways I have found that work to be happy in the present.

1. Be genuine. Be real. Let yourself feel—even the emotions that are easier to avoid. Avoidance points to the future for happiness, where acknowledging the fear or feeling in the present reminds our soul that it is ok to feel safe where we are. A future happiness always seems to be a long ways off if we can’t feel—all emotions— in the present.

2. Look for the blessings. Some days are pretty dark, but from my experience there is still light in each one. Sometimes it is not too easy to find, but if we purposefully look for it—we will almost always find it. I knew a lady who was in the hospital for an extended period of time. When I went to visit her, she didn’t talk about the pain, or the new reality of her sickness—she talked about her visitors, the flowers sent, and the kind people who were taking care of her. She was looking for the blessings in a moment others might just see the curse.

3. Be present. Put down your damn phone. Put away your computer. Don’t keep yourself mindlessly “busy” all the time. See the people right in front of you. Serve them. Show up for them. Happiness is found when we share our light, and we cannot just find that in a virtual world . . . we have to feel it with our hands, and smell it with our noses, and taste it with our mouths—we have to do it in our real world. Being present changes the way we see people, and our role in their lives. We stop waiting for others to show up for us . . . and we just do it for them instead.

4. Remember your truths. Before we came to earth we were created with many gifts, and talents, and truths. Along the way, here on earth, sometimes our connection to these feel lost or forgotten. Spend some time reevaluating the voices in your head—which ones bring you light, and which ones make you feel dark. Give the dark ones to the Savior and magnify the truths that make you feel like you. Living those will bring you eternal joy.

5. Live what you believe. Spend some time with your thoughts. Do you have a passion that you think others will look down on? Do you have a goal you are too afraid to take the steps to create? What do you believe? Do you have a standard you know is true, but you can’t figure out how to live? Decide today what you believe—not what others have told you you should think, or you think others want you to believe. Be bold enough to live YOUR life. Joy comes in being vulnerable, and honest, and living what we believe.

I know that we all have some pretty dark stories, that try to hold us back, but I also believe that life is still worth living. I know we are all creatures worthy of love—the kind that lasts forever—the kind we can only learn from God. Each day takes effort. We can’t give up, even when it feels like the only option left.

Today I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone—take a bold step to find happiness where you are. You just might like the person you find who isn’t trapped in fear. Look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud five things you love about being you.

Happiness is remembering your worth no matter where you are.

What does betrayal feel like?

What does betrayal feel like? Let's talk about betrayal trauma for a minute, since none of us like to. Have you gone through betrayal? Do you find yourself stuck in those emotions and fears? Has it made you feel alone?



Well I just want you to know you are not. And this was not your fault or even about you. It was about them. Time to give yourself permission to move forward and start loving yourself and trusting again.

Light it up

Lately I have been noticing some themes in the emails I receive, so I was thinking it would be fun to write my thoughts about these topics in posts on the blog as well as try to answer people personally. And though I truly believe in groups of people that can support each other, I know that todays topic is one that can help us find strength in ourselves. 

Today I wanted to talk about the power of personal revelation. The key word is PERSONAL—revelation that is just for you—insights into your life that you receive in a personal way.

How does personal revelation come?

It comes in many forms that are just as personal as the answers one receives: ideas that just pop into your mind, answers to prayers that show up at just the right time, or promptings to take a different path. Some people tell stories of hearing a certain song that helped them feel the truth to a message they needed to hear. Sometimes answers come in an inspirational talk or a podcast.

Some people hear words in their mind when receiving personal revelation. Other people describe it as a light feeling that won’t go away. In scriptural times, angels came to deliver messages from God and there are many recent stories that help us see that angels are still part of our every day lives.

Prayer is the key in starting our communication with God in hopes of receiving inspiration and revelation in the things He wants us to do.

So you pray. You listen . . . and then you wait. With a promise that all our prayers will be answered, we have to make sure we go into prayer knowing that sometimes the answers will be different than what we think we want or need. Just like in scriptural times, sometimes that answer will take longer than we had hoped in our plan—and sometimes they will come before we think we are ready. But when we go to God—with a sincere desire to do His will—we will always get an answer. He has a plan for each of us.

So lets say you start gearing your prayers to something you feel strongly about and soon you get a prompting for a new relationship, a life change, or a new career path  (or whatever it is you feel is time to change or do differently). You feel good about it in the moment. You feel brave, excited, and a little scared, but pumped up with this idea that you just know is an answer to many prayers. You start making plans in your head and just can’t wait to share it with your partner, or your parent, or someone you love. You are ready to take it all on and you can’t wait to have someone to celebrate with.

Here is where a struggle can come. In your excitement, you share your prompting with people—or the person—you couldn’t wait to share it with. Sometimes your change, your new idea, has not been anticipated and is greeted with doubt or questions that make you start to wonder if you really did receive personal revelation or if you just had a hair brain idea pop in your head that you really shouldn’t waste your time on.

Defeated, you walk away full of doubt, feeling a little dark, even doubting if you have the ability to receive inspiration for yourself at all. Thinking maybe your mom, or your co-worker is the one who is right. You start thinking about all the times you have failed in the past and realize that starting a new path will probably just end the same. So why try?

You let that idea fade away. Sometimes you look back and wonder What if? But never really feel brave enough to ever go there again. So you don’t really fail . . . because you never started . . . but you don’t really feel like you are succeeding because where you are is just safe . . . not because it feels right, but because it has just been what was easy.

Fear of failure. 

Maybe this hasn’t been your story. But I have heard thousands of stories just like this. And you know what? It makes sense. What better way to keep us from success than to send those we love to make us doubt? Especially ourselves. Satan is a clever one isn’t he? For a lot of us—in these moments—it just takes one doubter to stop us. Or one fear to keep us stuck in our tracks.

So today, I am proposing a new way. Maybe it won’t work for you, but it is something that I have learned the last few years that works for me. Before you turn to another person for advise in your life, first ask in prayer for your own personal revelation to know where He needs you to be. So when you are secure in your plan and turn to others for their support you won't be blown back and forth by the noise —their fears, their thoughts, and their expectations of you. 

Personal revelation is a gift—for you—from God.  It is answers to your prayers to strengthen your faith and help you make decisions on your path. Once you find that answer, you have to move forward with the knowledge that there might be many who are sent your way to try to stop you from using your gifts to do good. Mean comments on social media, doubts in your abilities from people you thought would be excited for you (this one happened to me when I was pregnant with the twins), fear, frustrations, doubts that come into your mind, and even the fears others share with you in their belief in you as a person, can—and will—try to stop all of us from walking on our own path of light.

Fear. Anger. Hate. Struggles with forgiveness. These are all part of the process—opportunities for us to get back on our knees and ask for more light to help us grow in our own unique way. Sometimes we have to fight for light on our own. We have to be able to be humble enough to admit that we need grace—the strength that cannot come from another mortal person—the light that can only come from Christ.

Nobody ever got big muscles asking others how to lift weights, but never lifting anything. We have to do the work. Spending our time asking others what they would do—if they were us—doesn’t help us figure out where God needs us to be.

As sons and daughters of God, we can communicate with Him, through prayer. We don’t need another person to use that gift and we don’t have to do anything perfect in our lives to earn that blessing. He will hear you, no matter where you are or where you have been because you are His son or daughter and He cares about YOU.  It is never too late and you have never gone to far to say His name. His grace is enough. I promise that if you are seeking an answer from Him, you will find one. Maybe not the answer you were hoping for, but it will be the answer that is right for you.

You have unlimited potential. Do not let the fears and hate of others hold you back from becoming everything God sees in you. You are worthy of His love because . . . you are you.

God doesn’t get us to change by sending fear. He leads us to the light.  Follow that light. It will never fail you. And remember, nobody can give you more love than the love they feel for themselves. If someone is sending you hate, it isn’t you they can’t stand . . . it is themselves.

You don’t need to listen to the noise. To be genuine is to be you. You are one of the greatest gifts God gave this world. So go be bold and let your light shine. You were made for this life thing. Light it up.

Show up for real

What does it mean to be real? We live in a world full of noise—everywhere we turn there is a new model of what yesterdays “cool” was. Every minute something new is created and marketed to us as if it was as important as the air we breathe. We are left wondering if we will ever be able to afford to fit in—if we will ever really catch up.

Many days we walk around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to figure out which way is up—seeking to know what we should want to buy, and who we should strive to be—a consumer society that has trained us to never feel enough. Our kids tell us they are “the only person they know who has to live without it”, and our screens tell us that we must obtain to find happiness.

Pictures are altered to perfection. Lives are portrayed as flawless. Social media is our addiction, but with every swipe we wonder why we just can’t measure up. We know it isn’t real, but still set our sights to one day achieve it—a picture perfect, calm, steady, always thriving, always successful, always beautiful life.

So what is your real? Are you living life—or waiting to catch up before it begins? What are you waiting for? When will you know you made it there? If the world is always changing—cars are getting faster, phones are getting more high tech, and clothes are getting just a little more stylish every day—is there ever going to be a time when you don’t feel like you need more to be happy?

Are there voices around you that maybe you have the power to turn off? Can you put down your phone and play when your kids need you, or have you grown too scared that you will miss something when you do? Do you feel disconnected from everyone and everything around you because you spend your whole day trying to connect with the people and products in your screen? Do your kids look you in the eye when you talk to them, or do they always just look down into the device in their hand? Do you ever talk to your roommates, or do you always just scroll through your friends? Do you have time to show up . . . even for yourself?

Then lets take a stand. Nobody owns us. We are powerful, but we keep forgetting that we are in charge. If our children are so attached to a device, but don’t know how to respect us . . . it is our job to teach them that people are what matter. If we aren’t showing up for the people in our life, we are failing the most important part of our mission here on earth—to learn to love, to learn how to clean, and work, and have fun together. To create lasting and healthy relationships, filled with respect and honesty and light. To one-day leave the ones we love with memories, not just stuff.

Relationships—real people—are the only thing that can bring true joy. No amount of money or possessions will ever take their place.

So today—along with my family—we challenge you to show up . . . because that is what we are working on doing for each other. And it matters. If it weren’t so important, there wouldn’t be so many things trying to stop us all from remembering . . . each other.

Even in a noisy world, we have the power to take a stand and be the kind of person we want our sons and daughters to become—for we are teaching more by our examples than by the words that we say.

Show up. Life is too short. You don’t need a million likes to be someone they are proud of . . . one day all you will have left is the memories you made.




Come see me in person at A Reason to Stand: FEARless next Saturday in Las Vegas!!! April 28th! 

The power of Choosing Happy

What makes you happy? Like really deep down makes you happy? And I don’t want you to give me the Sunday school answers that you think I want to hear. And PS . . . I can’t really hear your answers even if you say them out loud. So this question is more for you to ponder.  What makes you HAPPY?

Because if you just stared at this screen and you really don’t know . . . you might be missing something. Are you a happy person? Do you want to be? Did you used to be, and have some how lost your way? 

Then lets start with a few other basic questions. What is holding you back from feeling happiness and seeing joy in your life? Is it another person—or lack of another person? Is it your job? Is your kids, or kids you wished you had? Is it the car that you drive—or hope to some day? Are you waiting for a new house to take away your messes? Are you waiting for a first date, to tell you of your worth? Are you waiting for your kids to grow up so you can start enjoying them? Are you waiting to lose some weight so you can start looking at yourself in the mirror? Are you stuck wanting something different, so you can smile again? How long have you been waiting . . . and how long are you going to be willing to wait? If your prize doesn’t come at all—will you die wishing you had found your happiness? 

Ok, imagine for a second a life with none of those things standing in the way—as your excuse—of your happiness. What does it look like? Just you and your smile. Content. Calm. Present. Look at that—you showed up . . . for yourself. Not for anyone else—just for you. 

Happiness is a choice. It is a decision we make every single day. And if you aren’t happy now, chances are . . . you aren’t going to find it no matter what. Do you like you? Do you see your worth and value when no one is around to tell you? Are you waiting for yourself to change before you start being your own friend?

Life is going to be full of changes, some for the better . . . and some unimaginably hard. If we can learn to smile right now—in the hard days, and the good—we will smile again. Because if happiness is a choice . . . it can always be part of our life. 

Happiness isn’t living a perfectly bright day. Happiness is choosing to find the perfect little light . . . in an imperfect life.

You deserve to smile today, and tomorrow . . . and every day you take a breath. Because you a miracle. You are rare, and precious, and your smile brings light. Choose happy. Not because it is easy, but because you deserve to shine. The world is waiting for your glow. Beam on. 

(As I sat down and these words came to my screen, I couldn't stop thinking about this moment at Emmett's funeral when someone told the kids to smile for a picture. At first I just felt annoyed. My eyes burned from the day. My heart was broken from the pain. My mind was cloudy from the betrayal and the trauma. But those five babies in my arms, gave me hope that someday I would find joy again . . . and that—in that moment—made me happy. )

The hundred dollar bill that changed my life

Working on Book 3—like a boss—today. Feels kind of good to stop avoiding it. Scary. Out of my comfort zone...but good. Came to the chapter about the hundred dollar bill.  

That day in the grocery store—after the murder trial had ended—was one of the greatest gifts Heavenly Father could have given me.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful week. Looking for a few stories to highlight on the blog for the holidays coming up. Please send in your "I will stand" surviving victimhood story for a chance to be featured on here. 

Link to the story on the blog:

http://www.themomentswestand.com/2015/03/send-someone.html




Here is a video about that story as well.

Happy through the story

I have done a lot of soul searching the past few weeks. Asking myself questions to which I didn’t know if I wanted the answer. Why am I the way that I am; why do I do things the way that I do? Am I happy? What would I have to change to become the person I want to be? What in my life needs to be different for me to be happy? Questions keep rolling through my mind—challenging me to be better, hoping to make sense of the parts of me—and others—that are harder to love. Some of the answers have been simple. Fear has been at the core of them all. Beliefs racked with this fear . . . motivating frustrations and destructive patterns.

So here are some of the beliefs I have been reframing:

1. Everyone but me feels joy all the time

We have this expectation in our mind that if our days are not filled with joy . . . we are not truly happy. If bumps in the road come along—we feel as if life is not truly worth living. We have a standard set for what happiness looks like, and if that standard is not met in ourselves—or in those around us—we are miserable.

2.  Everybody but me has it all figured out

As our lives feel as though they fall apart daily, we look out to others for a standard at where normal should be. We compare our imperfect lives, to other’s perfectly portayed Instagram/Facebook realities. Only—while we are at home feeling everything but joy—we do not see what is going down on the other end of those perfectly posed pictures.

3. When I become _____________ . . . I will be happy

It is worthy to have goals—finish lines of something worth achieving. But the more we live, the more we will realize that the goals are not what is going to bring us to a state of happiness. Happiness is what is found along the way—realizing that the journey is what makes us who we will become.

4. If we were normal . . . we wouldn’t have issues

Normal: the standard for which we all measure our lives—ironically a made up scenario of perfection in others—a status at which we believe we will never achieve. “Normal” is a dream we sometimes dream . . . a quiet, simple life with no hiccups or battles—a version of our life without the messes to clean up . . . but full of constant joy.

So what really needs to change for us to be happy? Is it everyone else? Is it our story? . . . Or is it just us?

If happiness is a choice, how come it feels so hard to choose?—maybe because if it was easy, everyone would do it.

We have to find those beliefs that are holding us back. As simple as they sound in our head, they may be the reason we are not living to our full potential. We don’t have to wait any longer. The choice of happiness is in our hands.

I want to be happy. I want to find the little glimmers of joy in my days. I want to make a difference for others—even those that seem a little harder to love. Because that is what Christ did. He loved. He forgave . . . and He lived. His life wasn’t perfect, but He was.

Our lives are not perfect, and unfortunately neither are we. We are not going to achieve perfection . . . not ever. But we can feel joy. We were created to find it—in the little imperfect glimmers of light on this path we call life.