Miracle in every storm

Karen shares that there is a message and a miracle in every storm . Parenting advise that just might change the way you view our fight as a mother or father. Her journey of divorce, betrayal, and helping your children connect to their one source of light...Christ. As Karen learned to step back, she saw that what her son needed was a cheerleader, he already had a Savior.

Perfect Love Casteth out all Fear

I want to share with you a very personal experience. Not because I am proud of it . . . but because I am tired of the shame that I feel when I have experienced it, and hope that this visual can help you understand a little more about the voice in your own head, and the dark trap it can feel like.

This pregnancy has been a big struggle for me. I know I talked about it briefly a few posts back, but I want to get a little more real with you about some of the battles I have been fighting. The battle of “Am I enough?” has been a silent one for me for a long time. I have shared with all of you the times in the past when I have had to face that deamon, but I wanted to describe ways in which it still tries to show up now.

Being enough isn’t just a one-time battle, but a lifetime pursuit.

Every day we will face triggers—reminders of trauma from the past—that try to take us to our weakest points. Sometimes we will feel armed and ready for them, other times they will shake us to our core. Fear of inadequacy is not always a fight we will be prepared to win.

For the first time in months, this week I finally felt pretty good. I went out and bought maternity clothes—so I would stop trying to squeeze into my old pants and feel depressed when they didn’t fit. A few weeks back I had discovered I was low on iron and it was really messing with my emotions—and that was finally leveling out. Morning sickness had faded away, and I had stopped dry heaving every time I walked into a room. I had overcome a lot of the triggers that had come up during the early months of my pregnancy—I talked about a few posts back—I was feeling ready to embrace this changing body and just enjoy the miracle that was growing inside of me. Life was feeling pretty good.

I couldn’t wait for my doctor’s appointment—and hear that reassuring sound of the baby’s heart beat. Everything went smoothly, until my doctor stepped right onto the landmine that I had thought I had covered pretty well. She looked up from her chart and said, “My only concern is . . . you have gained a lot more weight then we want you to at this point.” I looked over at Scott with a get me out of here look on my face. I tried to hold back the tears as I listened to her remind me of the “healthy choices” I should be making.

By the time I got to my car I wasn’t really embarrassed and ashamed of my body any more—I was just pissed. Angry that a fear I had been working through for weeks now had voice again. I said a little prayer, “Heavenly Father, I see what he is trying to do. Get me all worked up about my changing body and lose my focus on the things that really matter. I know what I can do to help my body and my baby be healthy, please help me stay focused and not let this fear creep back in and make me lose track of the progress I have made in working through this truma and help me to be able to see pregnancy as the blessing that it is. A few extra pounds—I don’t care about that—I just want a healthy baby.”

The night went on. We put up all of our Christmas trees and had fun decorating the house. Morning came and I got all ready in one of my new maternity sweaters. Everything fit, and I actually felt pretty in my own skin. I walked into the kitchen where Kaleeya was sitting at the bar. She looked at me and in the sweetest little voice said, “Wow, Mom! You don’t even look pregnant in that shirt, you just look fat!” A meaningful complement I am sure, sunk deep into my heart . . . where it met the little voice that spoke even louder than it had for months, “You aren’t enough—Scott isn’t going to love you with that disgusting body.”

My soul sunk low—believing every fearful word in my head. I got the kids off to school and as I walked in my house and shut the door, I burst into tears. Every fear—all the dark memories of the past—surrounded me. I felt trapped. For a split second I was taken back to a moment when I was sitting in the bathtub almost 8 years ago.  Tytus was just a few weeks old. I had already started to feel the tension and knew that something wasn’t right. Emmett came walking into the bathroom. After weeks of wondering what was wrong whenever he was around, I had come to the conclusion he didn’t want me because of my just had a baby body. All I needed in that moment was for him to look over and tell me I was beautiful, but instead he looked into the mirror, checked himself out for a few minutes and then announced he was heading out.

The fear came back as strong as it had been that day, and in the few weeks that followed. Chaos is what followed. Murder. Truth of affairs. A life turned upside down. Somehow my little mind was just sure, it all started with a changing body—a body too fat to love.

And there it was again—this toxic feeling of wondering if I was going to be enough.

I changed my clothes, got in my car and drove to the only place I know where pure darkness cannot follow. As I sat in the chapel at the temple I opened up a set of scriptures to a random page. I looked down in the middle of the page and there was a scripture I know well.

“For perfect love casteth out all fear”. Tears filled my eyes as I was taken back to another memory—the day I had to write Emmett’s funeral. In all my anger, and fear, and shame, and guilt, and humiliation . . . that was the only scripture or quote I read that felt worthy of being on the bottom of the program. Everything else seemed like a sham—in that moment, those were the only words I could believe.

So again those words spoke to me. As I sat there I tried to picture perfect love. All I could see was the Savior. He is perfect love. He is the only one who can take it all away. The fear, the pain, the unknown, the uncomfortable, the guilt, the anger, all the ‘I am not enough’s, the grief—losing a loved one, or losing a relationship you cherish . . . He has the power to carry it away and bring peace. He has angels standing around us daily ready to go on errands, just for us. To take away the darkness we feel trapped in, and to help Him carry in the light.

With that truth, no amount of fear can take us down. We have to remember we only have one enemy, and his goal is to bring us fear—to remind us often that we are not enough—it is never from God.

We all have scars. Instead of shaming the parts of us we think make us not enough, I was reminded that—because of Him—I have the power to love me, which makes me even more capable of loving those around me. I have the gift to heal after divorce, abuse, infidelity and murder. I have a healthy body capable of creating life. I have a strong spirit and a trusting heart. Because of Him, I have the power that can help me find my truths, over and over again. I can move forward. I have the ability to let go of the pain of losing a relationship with a stepdaughter I adore. I have the chance to forgive the people who have hurt me in my life. Because of Him, I can be forgiven when I have forgotten who I am. I am capable of anything. I am worthy of fighting for.

Because of Him, we can overcome. Because of Him, we can feel light. Because of Him we can one day feel perfect love. And because of Him . . . perfect love casteth out all fear.  

Here we are 13 weeks. We will find out December 20th if it is a boy or girl. What do you think?

Light it up

Lately I have been noticing some themes in the emails I receive, so I was thinking it would be fun to write my thoughts about these topics in posts on the blog as well as try to answer people personally. And though I truly believe in groups of people that can support each other, I know that todays topic is one that can help us find strength in ourselves. 

Today I wanted to talk about the power of personal revelation. The key word is PERSONAL—revelation that is just for you—insights into your life that you receive in a personal way.

How does personal revelation come?

It comes in many forms that are just as personal as the answers one receives: ideas that just pop into your mind, answers to prayers that show up at just the right time, or promptings to take a different path. Some people tell stories of hearing a certain song that helped them feel the truth to a message they needed to hear. Sometimes answers come in an inspirational talk or a podcast.

Some people hear words in their mind when receiving personal revelation. Other people describe it as a light feeling that won’t go away. In scriptural times, angels came to deliver messages from God and there are many recent stories that help us see that angels are still part of our every day lives.

Prayer is the key in starting our communication with God in hopes of receiving inspiration and revelation in the things He wants us to do.

So you pray. You listen . . . and then you wait. With a promise that all our prayers will be answered, we have to make sure we go into prayer knowing that sometimes the answers will be different than what we think we want or need. Just like in scriptural times, sometimes that answer will take longer than we had hoped in our plan—and sometimes they will come before we think we are ready. But when we go to God—with a sincere desire to do His will—we will always get an answer. He has a plan for each of us.

So lets say you start gearing your prayers to something you feel strongly about and soon you get a prompting for a new relationship, a life change, or a new career path  (or whatever it is you feel is time to change or do differently). You feel good about it in the moment. You feel brave, excited, and a little scared, but pumped up with this idea that you just know is an answer to many prayers. You start making plans in your head and just can’t wait to share it with your partner, or your parent, or someone you love. You are ready to take it all on and you can’t wait to have someone to celebrate with.

Here is where a struggle can come. In your excitement, you share your prompting with people—or the person—you couldn’t wait to share it with. Sometimes your change, your new idea, has not been anticipated and is greeted with doubt or questions that make you start to wonder if you really did receive personal revelation or if you just had a hair brain idea pop in your head that you really shouldn’t waste your time on.

Defeated, you walk away full of doubt, feeling a little dark, even doubting if you have the ability to receive inspiration for yourself at all. Thinking maybe your mom, or your co-worker is the one who is right. You start thinking about all the times you have failed in the past and realize that starting a new path will probably just end the same. So why try?

You let that idea fade away. Sometimes you look back and wonder What if? But never really feel brave enough to ever go there again. So you don’t really fail . . . because you never started . . . but you don’t really feel like you are succeeding because where you are is just safe . . . not because it feels right, but because it has just been what was easy.

Fear of failure. 

Maybe this hasn’t been your story. But I have heard thousands of stories just like this. And you know what? It makes sense. What better way to keep us from success than to send those we love to make us doubt? Especially ourselves. Satan is a clever one isn’t he? For a lot of us—in these moments—it just takes one doubter to stop us. Or one fear to keep us stuck in our tracks.

So today, I am proposing a new way. Maybe it won’t work for you, but it is something that I have learned the last few years that works for me. Before you turn to another person for advise in your life, first ask in prayer for your own personal revelation to know where He needs you to be. So when you are secure in your plan and turn to others for their support you won't be blown back and forth by the noise —their fears, their thoughts, and their expectations of you. 

Personal revelation is a gift—for you—from God.  It is answers to your prayers to strengthen your faith and help you make decisions on your path. Once you find that answer, you have to move forward with the knowledge that there might be many who are sent your way to try to stop you from using your gifts to do good. Mean comments on social media, doubts in your abilities from people you thought would be excited for you (this one happened to me when I was pregnant with the twins), fear, frustrations, doubts that come into your mind, and even the fears others share with you in their belief in you as a person, can—and will—try to stop all of us from walking on our own path of light.

Fear. Anger. Hate. Struggles with forgiveness. These are all part of the process—opportunities for us to get back on our knees and ask for more light to help us grow in our own unique way. Sometimes we have to fight for light on our own. We have to be able to be humble enough to admit that we need grace—the strength that cannot come from another mortal person—the light that can only come from Christ.

Nobody ever got big muscles asking others how to lift weights, but never lifting anything. We have to do the work. Spending our time asking others what they would do—if they were us—doesn’t help us figure out where God needs us to be.

As sons and daughters of God, we can communicate with Him, through prayer. We don’t need another person to use that gift and we don’t have to do anything perfect in our lives to earn that blessing. He will hear you, no matter where you are or where you have been because you are His son or daughter and He cares about YOU.  It is never too late and you have never gone to far to say His name. His grace is enough. I promise that if you are seeking an answer from Him, you will find one. Maybe not the answer you were hoping for, but it will be the answer that is right for you.

You have unlimited potential. Do not let the fears and hate of others hold you back from becoming everything God sees in you. You are worthy of His love because . . . you are you.

God doesn’t get us to change by sending fear. He leads us to the light.  Follow that light. It will never fail you. And remember, nobody can give you more love than the love they feel for themselves. If someone is sending you hate, it isn’t you they can’t stand . . . it is themselves.

You don’t need to listen to the noise. To be genuine is to be you. You are one of the greatest gifts God gave this world. So go be bold and let your light shine. You were made for this life thing. Light it up.

Making Your Burdens Lighter: Doing All Things Through Christ

Thank you Kristen for sharing. I loved these thoughts and ideas on building our relationship with the Savior. I look forward to sharing more articles written by anyone who has an uplifting message to share! 

Making Your Burdens Lighter: Doing All Things Through Christ 

by Kirsten Metcalf

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

You probably know this scripture verse found in Philippians 4:13. You’ve probably said it a few times. You may even say it every time you’re going through something difficult.

But what does the phrase “I can do all things through Christ” really mean? Have you ever wondered, “Can Jesus really strengthen me? Will my problems really be made lighter through Him?”

The answer to both of those questions is yes. No matter what challenge or trial you face—whether it’s going through a divorce or dealing with financial struggles—you never have to face it alone. Jesus has promised that if you come to Him, He will be with and strengthen you through your trials. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

So how do you come unto Jesus? You learn of Him. You ask for His help. You try to be like Him.

Learn of Jesus

The best way to learn about Jesus is to study about His life and teachings in the scriptures. The scriptures are filled with stories about His birth, ministry, death, and resurrection, as well as testimonies of Him.

Ask Jesus for Help

When Jesus asks you to “take my yoke upon you” He wants you to rely on Him, but He also wants the two of you to work and pull together, like two animals yoked together do. A wooden yoke cuts the weight of the load the animals are pulling in half. While you may feel like a small, weak pony compared to a mighty thoroughbred, if you trust in and ask Jesus for His help, and do your part, He will stand by your side. He will share the weight of your burden and help you pull through it.

In most cases, Jesus doesn’t immediately take your burden away. Making your burdens light doesn’t mean He simply takes away every trial you face. But He will give you the capacity and strength to get through it and to make it lighter and easier to endure.

Be Like Jesus

There is no other perfect example to follow than Jesus. If you really want to come unto Jesus, and make your burdens light, you need to become like Jesus. This isn’t a one-time thing. Becoming like Jesus is a lifelong process. But each day you can try to become more like Jesus by living as He lived. You can be a little kinder. You can be more patient. You can practice humility. You can serve others.

When you rely on Jesus and believe that you can do all things through Him, your burdens will be made lighter.

A bag full of bricks

A few weeks back I kept noticing Kaleeya’s backpack getting pretty heavy. Every morning when I went to put her lunch in the front zipper, I would say, “Kaleeya what the heck is in here? It feels like you are carrying around a bunch of rocks—we HAVE to clean out your backpack when you get home.” Then, like most moms of six kids—I hope, please tell me I am not the only one—I would forget all about it until the next morning when we were heading out the door.

I don’t want to admit this out loud—so please read it quietly in your head—but this went on for a few weeks. Every morning the same conversation, sending her out the door with a “bag full of rocks”.

Until one morning I figured out what all the “rocks” really were. The kids had not come down yet and I was on top of my game. I went to put lunches in their backpacks and grabbed Kaleeya’s off the hook, only to remember our consistent conversation about cleaning it out. I unzipped the back zipper and to my surprise there were seven big, thick, library books.

A lot gets past me. I don’t always take the time to read the thousands of emails I get weekly from their teachers . . . but one fact I knew to be true since day one of the school year: Kaleeya’s class was only allowed to check out one book a week.

A thief? Awesome. I was ticked. My first reaction was to march up the stairs and give her a piece of my mind—remind her how embarrassing it was for us moms when our kids pull crap like this. I wanted to ground her butt to the house for a week. I wanted to give her what she deserved.

Soon faces were popping up all over the house. Everyone was awake and ready for breakfast. I stewed as I flipped pancakes and did hair—until finally it was time. I pulled her into the laundry room as everyone was putting on their shoes to leave. I said one last prayer in my mind, “Alright . . . I know what I want to do with her, but if you have another idea . . . now would probably be a good time to clue me in.”

I kneeled down so I could look her in the eye, “Kaleeya . . . do you want to tell me about all those library books in your backpack?” And that is when the dam burst. “I took them mom . . .” She began sobbing and holding on to my arm. Finally after asking her why, she answered, “I wanted to read all of them . . . so I put them in my bag, and I have carried them around because I didn’t want to get in trouble. But I didn’t read any of them, because I didn’t want to get in trouble. So now you know . . . and . . . and . . . and I can put them all back one at a time . . . and . . . and no one will ever notice.”

No one will ever notice. Her words echoed in my mind for a few seconds before I could answer. I said, “Kaleeya, I bet that has been so hard keeping that inside. I am so sorry for that load you have had to carry around on your back and in your mind. I wish it was as easy as just sneaking them back in to your library, but that isn’t how we make it right.”

She held my hand tight as we walked into her school that morning and she told her librarian what she had done. Later that day she stood alone as the principal gave her a punishment, and again as she cleaned up the school yard on her lunch.

But after school, that little girl didn’t just walk slowly out to my car—she ran with a big grin on her face. She gave me a giant hug and said, “Mom . . . it doesn’t feel heavy any more . . . I am free.”

How many times do we carry around a load—way too heavy for us to bear alone—thinking if we could just hide it a little longer, no one will notice as we drop one “book at a time” to lighten our burden. We justify that as long as we don’t get in trouble . . . then it wasn’t really a crime. We hold ourselves hostage, to a backpack full of secrets . . . with a false sense of safety coming from concealing our pain.

Well I don’t have all the answers for the loads you all have to carry. I don’t pretend to understand how they feel for you, but one thing I know for sure . . . you don’t have to carry it all alone. You don’t have to hide, you don’t have to run, you don’t have to pretend that it is all ok.

At Easter time we are promised that the resurrection is real. WE are asked to remember that Christ conquered death and lives again. He rose from that tomb, and with that miracle . . . He carries a whole lot of backpacks—so full of bricks, and rocks . . . and books.

He died so we can . . . not only hide our pain, but so our burdens can be made light. Yes, it might be hard showing up at that librarian’s office, or scooping up other people garbage . . . but if we are willing to pay a small price for our sins—He will make up the rest.  

Close your eyes this Easter for just a minute. Picture in your mind all the times He has helped your burdens become light—or all the times He is waiting to do it now. That is grace.

I promise you it is not too late.  He lives. He is the #princeofpeace. He wants to share it with you.