May 11, 2022

Story behind my name

 “What is the story behind the name The Moments We Stand?”

It all started out of no where. One day I just felt this pulling—this incredible prompting— that I needed to write our story. I needed to get it out of my head. I needed to start a blog. 

I was so scared I could hardly breathe. I was on my knees all morning begging for a different option, but I knew it was what I had to do. The anger—that had been stuck inside of me—got excited for a minute, and I remember saying out loud, “All right fine, You want me to write this story, You got it!” I created the blog and started pounding out my anger writing my story of how three people had one big collision and left me a broken soul. I spent hours writing about heartbreak, pain, fear and hate. 

Soon, my entire computer shut down. I frantically pulled my blog back up and went to the post. Nothing had saved… not one word. I burst into tears and frantically reminded God that He had asked me to write this story, despite my desperate desire to shove it under a rug and run from it. His answer is one that I will never forget. I heard these words in my mind “Ashlee…I see you and I know that this was hard but I need you to start over and talk about all the moments you were able to stand.” 

And there was my name. 

He didn’t need me to write about the hate…He was asking me to look for my own strength, and remember the times I was surrounded by His. 

When I was a kid I always liked to be back stage. I was strangely shy—for such a sassy little human—and didn’t love taking the solos or even going up on stage when I had to perform on any level. I liked to cheer from behind the curtain for my sisters and friends. I was almost always the giant on my cheer team (we are talking 5’9” by the end of 7th grade)…and served well as a back spot. I liked to support and help others shine, but rarely felt comfortable in a role that I had to. 

This blog was a moment when I thought God was telling me to share what it looked like having a new life chosen for me. I thought He was letting me sit comfortably in my victimhood. I thought He was asking me to share my pain of how I always stood behind people to help them shine…even in their demise. Instead He asked me to step up, to write MY story…not as a character who stood on the sidelines watching the explosion, but as the main character who was going to get back up. He wanted me to write MY story, not as something that had been acted upon, but as someone who would be taking action to not only find the light, but to stand up for others as they did the same. 

It didn’t just heal me, it changed me. 

He has continued to stretch me and believe in me more than I knew possible. When I wrote my book, launching these courses to support others in their pain and grief, and every time I have been asked to stand on stage or appear on television, He was always with me. I was never standing alone.

I didn’t know it was going to turn into anything, in fact, honestly I would have preferred it just stayed under the rug. I didn’t want to be known for anything that had to do with this story…all it reminded me of was being the girl that wasn’t enough. I only started writing that day in an attempt to document the legacy of our history for my children, so one day—when the pain was too much—they could know where to find the full truth. 

Instead He taught me that there was more to this story…and even more to me. 

It’s easy in life to focus on the hate, it is easy to focus on the pain and the fear because they’re real, but here I want to stick with what I know is truth. I want to share hope that we are all capable beings full of light and strength and we can choose to stand even when it is hard. 

If you are new here welcome! I am loving reading your questions and hearing your survival stories. This is a team of warriors that I am so proud to be apart of. I hope you find this to be a safe place to be vulnerable and to acknowledge your story, and even more I hope you find this to be a safe place to remember your truths, find your strength, and remember your worth. You are stronger than you know. Whatever He asks of you, you will find a way. 

The moments you stand, despite the pain…there will be light. The moments we stand , despite the fear… There will be strength. The moments we stand, despite the heart ache…there will be joy. 

Your story isn’t over. Keep standing. 


Anonymous said...

Hi Ashlee

I just lost my daughters father at 54 young years. He is the love of my life and I feel so broken its is hard to breath. He drank alcohol to the point of liver failure and kept drinking. He died alone in his apartment. I always told him about Jesus even when he didnt want to hear it. And believe me he didnt want to but i remember telling him if you are in need and cant say the name Jesus just think His Name! So im holding onto God and Thanking Him for being sovereign and all knowing and all powerful and that He was there when Ron needed Him most and Hes in Heaven! I knew he didnt have long but was still so shocked and shattered! I know you were too in this life and Thank you Ashlee for being a light i am looking to right now. God is Always Great and Loving us unconditionally His mercy endures forever. He was a great man a beautiful man with a terrible drinking problem! He is so loved!

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